"This was the last thing on my mind"

Isn't it weird how important things in your life just seem to change over time.  My boyfriend and I have been together nearly 7 years and when we first got together the excitement of jumping each others bones (yeah, I'm being dirty, lol) was thrilling and frequent.  Now it is still very enjoyable, but different (in a good way, as in you know the person really well and your more comfortable with them than when you first dated) and not that often.

Now there is no one to blame about this apart from ourselves.  Like many of us, work has taken over our lives and everything else seems to have taken a back seat - something I am not happy about and want to change!

First problem is definitely the fact that we live in London.  London may have everything you need and be open 24 hours, but that is the exact reason it is a problem - we work in an industry where people want to be entertained all the time. Due to both of us working in the Arts, we do not work regular hours and our shifts can go from 7am to past midnight (any day of the week).  And this is without the crazy travel we do (I had a job recently where I had to go to Wembley and one way it took over 2 hrs to get there : s) It's hard enough spending time together just to see each other, let alone anything else.

Second problem is our actual jobs.  We both have times when we get told the day before that we have to do an extra shift or day and have to change our plans.  Most the time we work around it, but it is still annoying - I have missed weddings, birthdays, Christmas parties etc for this : (

The thing is, even when we want to do "stuff" we are tired and so it's best not to do anything than it be rubbish and leave it to another day - sometimes I also feel flirty but not dirty and that's cack too. It's so complicated!

My boyfriend and I were talking about "the future" (that scary adult talk that occurs around this age) and he was talking about having children.  Now, he's a little younger than me (by a year or so), which is good, because when I actually became an adult (not 18 when you can drink and think your grown up), I realised I wanted some kind of career before children and that it would take a few more years for him to want any.  But there's a few other things asides from career I want before this:  at least once where we get to go on a mini travelling expedition (a couple of months will do, to learn how to drive (yes, I'm a loser - actually no,  I live in London, why drive, it's too expensive) to have more fun sex before it becomes "planned" sex (lol) and a signed agreement that the babies we have don't turn my tight special place into a cave - sounds wrong, but I'm currently happy with it down there, lol.  The thing is, he is now interested in having kids in the next couple of years and I don't know if it is cos I am getting older, he is or both of us are.  I didn't really think that guys worried about getting too old for kids, until I read the article "Hear that?  It's my boyological clock ticking!" in Glamour.

Russell Kane wrote a rather interesting piece about wanting kids but having not met the right women yet.  He suggests that men have a boyological clock, it's just in their brains rather than in their organs and that they like the idea of being an active young dad, than a tottering middle aged man.  The thing is, he suggests, that most men don't realise until they are already past they're ideal age and it's too late.

I have to say, if this is the case, I'll have to start taking my fella more seriously.  I do want kids but the moment has to be right - after all I'm the one with 9 possible months of agony and then a kid for life.  You can't just say yes on a whim!

I do know that although I am career minded, I have my mother's nature for wanting kids and have become a bit broody at times (cute little girls at wedding, the young dads dancing round with their tiny sons, a baby's laugh - there is just something about it that I want).  However, first he better put a ring on it (power to Beyonce) and then I will reconsider in time.  I'm not even 30 yet, there's time and much more fun to be had first : )

Blog title comes from the one and only, cheesily good, STEPS: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QnN3YATAe7o

I actually saw them live recently at one of their reunion shows and here's one of the pics : )

"The clock up on the wall was tickin'"

It's the Sunday morning after another wedding reception.  It's been quite good this year as all the weddings we've been to have been for people we are close to, so we've known lots of people and have been so happy to be at their big day.  But it does start to put the pressure on with your own relationsship and the fact that we're getting older.

My boyfriend and I now go to about 3 weddings a year (this ones a super year and we are actually going to five - we work in Theatre and have a lot of mates outside of the industry, so someone's always celebrating something).  At one point I was sick of hearing about weddings and feeling that I should care.  Not because I am a horrible person but because it was always the topic of conversation and always came back to when we were getting married, when we weren't ready and couldn't afford it (we still can't but that doesn't bother me too much at the mo).

Luckily, as I said before, we started going to more weddings for people closer to us and although "wedding" was becoming my least favourite word, at least it was finally seeing close mates truely happy.

Before my guy rolled out of bed this morning, I decided to read my current copy of Glamour (still reading it at the moment, lol - connected with a previous blog).  There was a really interesting article called "He's 29? Run!", which talked about this new form of early mid-life crisis that guys (especially from the 80s babyboom) are having between the ages of 25 and 35 (funny enough, I think my brother started his about a year ago and is still having it) but mainly occurs on the lead up to the big 30.

Through reading the article and through personal experience, it seems that women do a similar thing but generally a lot more internally and only discuss with friends when the question is broached.  As for the guys in this article, they seem to have made brash decisions and decide to change the whole of their life to deal with the worry of getting old - asides from the guy that had realised he was gay and hadn't told his girlfriend (that was just unfair on both the girlfriend and himself|).

The thing is because men and women's minds work so differently, it is difficult at times to communicate and understand the differences and similarities between the mental states we go through in our lives.  I really like reading articles like this which help to break down those barriers and sometimes allow you to have conversations with your own mates/boyfriends that you wouldn't have discussed before.

I am 30 in less than 2 months and I feel the inner pressure going on in my head.  I know that day will be no different to any other, yet it seems like such a difficult milestone to past.  And no, I am not going to give up everything and go to the other side of the world, but there is the thing in my mind that I have not achieved in the way I should have.  There is nothing I can do about it apart from carrying on working hard and still striving for the things I have always wanted.  At the moment for me this is: a happy home, a happy relationship, having and keeping my amazing friends and a job that excites me and makes me want to be there each day - it sounds like a lot but I know it's achievable!  (I also want to state that I have had all of these, but it is hard to have them all at the same time).

I have read another male article that interests me to do with kids, but I will blog this tomorrow - don't want to overfill anyone's heads on a Sunday.

Today's blog title is based on:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T4JhvGLjgqY&feature=related

"And the worrrrlllddd, will live as one."

Does anyone remember the big event that happened in London a few weeks back.  Yeah, the Olympics!  Well, actually I don't.  I was working in Oxford over that period with no TV, so the only thing I saw was the opening ceremony before I left and the closing ceremony (because we managed to get a live link on our computer at work).

I have to say, I wasn't that bothered about the Olympics.  We had had all the hype for years, were told about the awful transport we would have in London and I was just desperate to be away from home for it.  Unfortunately, when it came to it, it wasn't as crazy as they had expected and I've probably missed out on something cool.

However, asides from that, I was looking forward to being back for the Paralympics.

First of all, channel 4 should be congratulated on not only broadcasting the event but on their amazing advertising:  They truly built the lead up from the Olympics to the Paralympics with their adverts alone.

Secondly (but not less importantly), everyone involved and participating in the Paralympics should be congratulated.  This is one of the first times that the sporting event has been noticed in the way it should be and I can tell it is already going to be an amazing week and a half of coverage.

I watched the opening ceremony yesterday and it was great to see the likes of Steven Hawkins alongside dance act Orbital, an array of arial acts, the history of science and much more.  The evening was innovative, clever and inspiring and really showed us the greatness of the United Kingdom and what we can be.  I also love that Beverley knight finished with "I am what I am" whilst everyone else was dancing in the background - great choice!

Today, I have been watching the swimming and having previously been a swimmer as a youngster ( 3-16 years old and my main discipline was speed swimming), I am SO impressed by the competitors.  One guy won the backstroke who had no arms and all his power came from doing backward butterfly kicks for 100m and another women with cerebral palsy, mainly used only the power in her arms to win.  Watching today really puts life into perspective and makes you realise how many incredible people live and work around us.  Everything I have trained for seems nothing against what some of these people must have gone through to get where they are today.

I hope, like me, you will enjoy and support the Paralympics and make the most out of this incredible sporting event that we are lucky enough to host.

My blog title comes from a very fitting song, which is a favourite of mine: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yRhq-yO1KN8

"Music, makes the people, come together"

I went to a ska gig for the first time in ages the other day and it was brilliant!  I went to see Reel Big Fish who have been playing together for 21 years and are just as awesome as the first time I saw them.

The thing I like about a good gig (especially your indie/rock/metal/ska and alternative) is the way the audience come together, the rapport between the audience and the musicians and the natural energy you gain from a fun, relaxed environment.

I have been going to gigs since I was about 16 and there is nothing like a good gig to make your day.  Although in recent years I have been to a lot of dance gigs, I tended to go to a lot more rock and alternative ones in the past (I definitely prefer the audiences at these and there are less dickheads).

One of the first gigs I remember going to was ska band OPM at the joyous Mean Fiddler (still one of the saddest venues to close down in London).  As well as feeling rather grown up that I was going to a gig on my own, it was also the fact I was going to a gig for an album I really loved : )  I also remember people smoking a lot of weird and although I have never taken drugs, I may have been getting high on second hand puff whilst jumping around, lol.  But aside from the haziness, it was a great night and will forever be in my memory.

Since that night, I started going to gigs on a regular basis, as well as Street Teaming, which allowed me to work on and see lots of cool bands : ) I was at the final gig for McClusky (check them out if you like dark metal music) and it was incredible.  There is just something great about tons of people who love the same songs, coming together and singing their hearts out to a live track - you can't beat it!

The best thing about a good gig is it is great escapism for your real life and nothing matters when you jump around like a lunatic : ) I have a list of the top 5 bands I have ever seen live and it is difficult to keep a list when I have been to so many great ones, but at the moment the list stand at this:

1. System of a Down
2. Weird Al Yankovich
3. David Guetta
4. Franz Ferdinand
5. Reel Big Fish (both times)

When I went to System of a Down, it was so packed and hot, I came out soaked, completely covered from other peoples sweat.  I also lost the two people I was with within about 20 mins but still had a great time - it was pure madness!

Other gigs that have been great have included:  Scissor Sisters, Electric 6, Maroon 5, Above and Beyond, Tiesto, Hot Hot Heat, Alien Ant Farm.

If you haven't been out for awhile and need something to perk you up, go to a gig.  Reel Big Fish was exactly what I needed after a few tough months of work and now I'm desperate for my next one : )

Blog title comes from: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sdz2oW0NMFk

Reel Big Fish at o2 Oxford

"Marlon Brando, Jimmy Dean, On the cover of a magazine"

Currently working away from home and staying in student accommodation, with no facilities apart from a kettle and a sink.  Suddenly I feel once again cut off from the world and most the time, completely oblivious that the Olympics is going on.

So barring a bit of Netflix on the tablet, I get quite bored when I have spare time in my room.  So, I decided that because I need something that I can stop and start rather than put time into, I'd buy some magazines.

Now for those of you in your late 20s, I don't know what magazines that you read, but I find it really hard to choose publications.  The problem is I am no longer in my late teens but I am also not a middle-aged middle-class mother of two.  I just want a good read that I can slip in and out of.

I've been reading "women's" magazines for years.  Starting with the "Smash Hits" and "Top of the Pops" of my teenie bopper and early teens to the "Just Seventeen" and "More" of my later teens.  The thing is, in those day, I was trying to keep up with the trends of clothes, music and films and more often or not, to swoon after the idols of my early 90s youth.  Obviously, as secondary school sunk in, reading Smash Hits was just not cool enough for a year 8 going into year 9 girl.  This is when the Just Seventeen era sank in.

In all honesty, when I went onto what I'll call "the second strand" of teen magazines, I was more reading them for the gossip than the sexual content.  At that particular age I loved having fun with mates but dating was the last thing on my mind.  I was a proper academic (or boffin used to be the term in my school), not a nerd, I just worked really hard at what I did and wanted to do well in the subjects I liked.  Of course the sexual content at least kept me up to scratch on what some girls of my age group were talking about, so I never felt like I knew nothing.  I also have quite open minded parents, so I was never scared to talk to them about anything. 

College was definitely the biggest change for my magazine reading, when suddenly it was all about "More", that had things like position of the week in it. Also, the pictures of the guys were a lot more risque, it was quite hot : ) Suddenly I felt very behind on everything.  I felt like the only virgin in the college, lol.  It wasn't made easier by the fact that half my class were a year above me, so to them, everything they were talking about was normal.  However, these magazines actually came at the right age, where I started having an interest in certain guys I knew.  I wouldn't say they were the answers to my problems, but were a great support system to growing up.

So now let's move forward just over 10 years. So on the lead up to this I enjoyed fun and frolics of being 18-23 years old and made up for the so called "missed years" of my teens (in all honesty, I had a lot of fun, but I couldn't of handled everything I dealt with then at secondary school, I just wasn't as mature and grown up as I thought I was).  Then since being 23, I have been in a long term relationship with a guy I met over 11 years ago but only stuck with permanently after a lot of two-ing and fro-ing over the years.  I'm not engaged or married (even though it's definitely a lot closer on the cards than previously) and I currently don't have kids (a choice and money thing).  So where does that leave me with a good magazine read?

I like a good bit of Suduko and Hanjie, but I don't want to be just doing that.  I'm not the "Good Housewife" or old enough to buy "Women's Weekly", so what is for me?  I am like many career minded ladies that don't want to think that we are only worthy of tabloid reads like "Heat" and "OK", we want something informative, fun and real - is that really so much to ask for?  I still like clubbing (just not with the under-agers), I like festivals, seeing films, going out with mates, buying stuff that isn't the most expensive on the shelf and bargains.  Just because I'm nearly 30, does all that have to end?

I am currently still buying things like "Glamour" and "Company", but as the ages of the male pin ups and the articles by the women are by younger and younger people, I do wonder, am I just too old for Glamour?  I think the best read (which happens to be free but is only available in central London on a Wednesday) would be the fabulous Stylist (which I have talked about before).  It's the one magazine where I feel it covers a lot of my interests and does not make me out to be dumb.  I fear if it was not for this, women of my age wouldn't have anything.  If anyone wants to create a magazine, I definitely suggest this niche in the market.  We are new age women whose thoughts are not just about a mortgage, husband and popping kids out.  I know I want more from life than just that and I think the magazine industry is missing out on all those readers, who are spending their pennies on other forms of media instead.

As William Nicholson said "We read to know we are not alone" and how true, because I know I am not.

Blog title comes from Madonna's Vogue: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GuJQSAiODqI

"If you don't like it, you can't send it back"

I wrote a blog awhile back to do with getting older and having to deal with changes in asthma, well the revelation is now having to cut down on caffeine.


I LOVE caffeine!  Not the look of it, possibly the taste but definitely what it does, keeps me awake.


For anyone who works in the Arts or another stressful work environment where the average hours tend to be 10-14 hrs a day, caffeine is essential.


Well, I've been told by my doctor to ideally cut it out altogether.  Due to the fact I adore chocolate and couldn't get rid of that on top of everything else (there would be no point in living, lol), I've decided to cut out the rest and that's good enough for me.  The main reason is due to repetitive heart palpitations that I seem to have been getting on and off in the last few months after various problems with my breathing.  They are still unsure if it is connected with Asthma pumps, stress, allergies etc, so now caffeine is coming out of my diet (sugar better not be next or I won't know how to deal with it : s)


So Caffeine free, how hard can it be?  It's not wheat related, I'm not vegan and as far as I know, I don't have any serious allergies.  Unfortunately, buying caffeine free items was a bit harder than I thought.  Caffeine can be found in fizzy drinks, tea, coffee, chocolate, cocoa powder, baking powder, cookies, liquors, cereal, certain desserts, soy milk, pie crusts, frozen yoghurt's, cake frostings, chocolate ice-cream and these as just the ones I found on nutrition data.  I have to say, it's not until you have to stop eating something, that you realise how many food sources your item is in.


Now again, we don't know how much the caffeine is particularly effecting me, so I am not going to stop eating all of these (and some of them I pretty much don't eat /drink anyway) but I have to cut out some of the main ones.


So I went shopping and luckily came across some decaf tea and coffee (which I have taken away to my live away job).  I have to say, caffeine must add some kind of taste, because I can't get used to the decaf stuff, especially the coffee.  The tea is growing on me and I think I can have herbal and fruit teas as a change : )  I have generally cut out fizzy drinks out of the equation, baring coke, as it's what I like to mix my spirits with.  Boy, is it hard to get decaf coke!  Remember in the 90s, when you had red, white and gold labelled colas?  Well I don't know what's been happening to the gold one (no caffeine, no sugar) because I found one measly place that sold it and only in small bottles.  I just want one 2 Litre bottle of caffeine free coke to last me on this job and that's not even possible! Not impressed : (


The other problem I have had is headaches.  The first few days and even a little now, I had tremendous headaches that would not go away.  I have since been told by someone that it does the same as coming off sugar, your body can't deal with the lack of it and is making up for the loss - by making me feel ill, that's not fair!


I hope after being on this caffeine free diet that I will slowly be able to bring it back in at some point, just not in the heavy doses I was absorbing it before.  Because like many I love tea and coffee and I just can't imagine them in their tasty entirety being part of my life anymore.


Blog title based on:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZcJjMnHoIBI

"The info from what she reads, makes her a total fox"

Reading.  One of those things I was forced to do by my intellectual father, who liked nothing more than to engulf himself in a book.  He wanted me to be academic, I was academic but I also knew what I liked and didn't like.  And some of his choices (including 3 men and a boat) just didn't rock my boat of imagination - it made me want to sleep!

I gave up on books after my GCSE's and didn't find them again until university, when suddenly all I wanted to do was read and absorb the words from every page.  And this wasn't just academic books, it was plays, autobiographies and fiction - I wanted it all!

I read books for a weird reason - I am a front cover reader.  I choose books because I like the cover, then I read the back and if I like both, I buy it.  In general, this has always worked for me as I am picky about what I read and if something looks boring from the outside, the design probably goes with the text - why wouldn't it!

This doesn't mean I stick to one genre or anything, I have read Stephen King to more contemporary writers like Matt Beaumont (love him, have loads of his stuff ("E" is good and "The Book, The Film, The T-shirt") and his wife's a writer too (Maria Beaumont) - have a look at her stuff too).  I also like plays by people like Mark Ravenhill and Patrick Marber.

There is something about a book, that I don't think I would ever get from a Kindle.  It's not just about the words being on a digital screen (which I hate by the way, because it hurts your eyes a lot quicker - wait until Kindle readers start going blind by using theirs too much) but it's the feel of the pages, the fact that if it's borrowed or 2nd hand, the people that have gone through the same emotions when reading the text, being excited about finding the book in your bag and desperate to read.  That's what makes reading a book so great!

One of my favourite collection of books that I have ever read has to be Red Dwarf.  Being a big fan of the series and intrigued by the books, I decided to borrow my dad's copy.  As a fan, these books were amazing!  I used to lie on the bed and read them whilst imagining the different characters saying the words - it was like the words truly lifted off the page.  I also like the fact that different episodes appear in the books but they are only part of the bigger picture, which was even more exciting!  I am very lucky that one of mine is actually signed by two of the cast - I was like 16 and the book was originally my dad's but soon became mine once it was signed.  I also have a book signed by Danny Wallace and Rich Fulcher (Tiny Acts of Rebellion is hilarious - seen it live and read the book) - by chance, not even on purpose originally : )

I am currently reading the great How to be a Woman by Caitlin Moran.  I have to say, it has been while since I have laughed and nearly cried on transport because of a book.  She has completely covered the feeling of growing up as a woman and not really knowing how to become one.  I also love her references to the world around her - so many of her childhood memories are things I remember too (which makes sense, as she's probably only about 5 years older than me).  If there are any woman out there who haven't read this (it's won at least one award and I'm probably one of the last to read it), you must!  Well, I say must.  As long as you are an open minded and open person in general, I would suggest it.  If your not, maybe leave it.  It will make you cringe and laugh quite intensely, but that's what I like about it : )

You see, the great thing about a book is the connections or disconnection from your life causing an amazing form of escapism that one hardly ever finds in any other art form.  I tend to work in stressful environments and a book is the only time I can remove myself from my work and just feel relaxed (especially if my phones off).

So if it's been awhile since you've read a good book, give it a go.  Whether its by reading a book suggested to you or being radical like me and choosing a front cover : )  By the way, I haven't read the Fifty Shades of Grey but did hear them taking the piss out of it in the comedy tent at Latitude Music Festival.  I actually wanted to read it cos the one with the mask on the cover - I own that mask, so I wanted to read it.  What can I say?  I'm weird, LOL

Blog title based on the amazing Mark Grist's "I Like a Girl That Reads" comedy poem: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rWwXJT4LA5A&feature=player_embedded