"The clock up on the wall was tickin'"

It's the Sunday morning after another wedding reception.  It's been quite good this year as all the weddings we've been to have been for people we are close to, so we've known lots of people and have been so happy to be at their big day.  But it does start to put the pressure on with your own relationsship and the fact that we're getting older.

My boyfriend and I now go to about 3 weddings a year (this ones a super year and we are actually going to five - we work in Theatre and have a lot of mates outside of the industry, so someone's always celebrating something).  At one point I was sick of hearing about weddings and feeling that I should care.  Not because I am a horrible person but because it was always the topic of conversation and always came back to when we were getting married, when we weren't ready and couldn't afford it (we still can't but that doesn't bother me too much at the mo).

Luckily, as I said before, we started going to more weddings for people closer to us and although "wedding" was becoming my least favourite word, at least it was finally seeing close mates truely happy.

Before my guy rolled out of bed this morning, I decided to read my current copy of Glamour (still reading it at the moment, lol - connected with a previous blog).  There was a really interesting article called "He's 29? Run!", which talked about this new form of early mid-life crisis that guys (especially from the 80s babyboom) are having between the ages of 25 and 35 (funny enough, I think my brother started his about a year ago and is still having it) but mainly occurs on the lead up to the big 30.

Through reading the article and through personal experience, it seems that women do a similar thing but generally a lot more internally and only discuss with friends when the question is broached.  As for the guys in this article, they seem to have made brash decisions and decide to change the whole of their life to deal with the worry of getting old - asides from the guy that had realised he was gay and hadn't told his girlfriend (that was just unfair on both the girlfriend and himself|).

The thing is because men and women's minds work so differently, it is difficult at times to communicate and understand the differences and similarities between the mental states we go through in our lives.  I really like reading articles like this which help to break down those barriers and sometimes allow you to have conversations with your own mates/boyfriends that you wouldn't have discussed before.

I am 30 in less than 2 months and I feel the inner pressure going on in my head.  I know that day will be no different to any other, yet it seems like such a difficult milestone to past.  And no, I am not going to give up everything and go to the other side of the world, but there is the thing in my mind that I have not achieved in the way I should have.  There is nothing I can do about it apart from carrying on working hard and still striving for the things I have always wanted.  At the moment for me this is: a happy home, a happy relationship, having and keeping my amazing friends and a job that excites me and makes me want to be there each day - it sounds like a lot but I know it's achievable!  (I also want to state that I have had all of these, but it is hard to have them all at the same time).

I have read another male article that interests me to do with kids, but I will blog this tomorrow - don't want to overfill anyone's heads on a Sunday.

Today's blog title is based on:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T4JhvGLjgqY&feature=related

"There's a light at the end of the tunnel"

Hey all, I've been rubbish again at writing (if you saw what happens to me on the weeks I work on shows, you'd understand - it's working and sleeping pretty much, not even a drink at the pub : s)


But back to my usual stuff.


Now I think I did a blog on job hunting or something similar but this is a little different.


I have just finished working on the start of the UK tour for Starlight Express, one of my favourite shows of all time.


Let's go back to 1994 (if your my age, you'll remember it), Boyzone were popular, clothes were generally rather awful and the only reason Tony Blair was known was because he used to be the annoying miniature character in Spitting Image that always got shut out of 'adult' political meetings.  That about sums it up (oh yeah and most importantly, Ant and Dec had already left Byker Grove because one of them got shot in the eye with a paintball when they took their goggles off - paintball is dangerous kids!)


Anyway, for me, 1994 was starting a new school I hated, dreaming about leaving (within a month of getting there) and loving my swimming and performance activities out of school (mainly due to escapism from education I think).   My parents decided to take me and my brother to a West End show for my birthday.  I knew nothing about Starlight Express, apart from all my parent's friends raved about it when they came round and said that we'd love it.


Little did they know how much!


I remember stepping into the auditorium, shocked by the vast space of the venue - I don't think I had been to a West End theatre before this - and the fact that there were tracks round the outside with barriers.  For a kid that has roller-skates at home, this was exciting!


The show passed by very quickly and I just remember being in ore of the experience.  It had everything that a tom-boyish kind of girl of my age wanted:  the romantic storyline (in those days, I still believed everyone stayed with who they married - I still do, my friends are never getting divorced from their lovely spouses, I just haven't told them yet, lol), the excitement of skating round what was like a massive playground, catchy tunes that I would remember forever and awesome costumes - to me it was heaven!  For my brother, there were great elements too (not to embarrass him : p):  Women in tight costumes (he was about 8, so I don't want to know what he was thinking, but we'll say it for all the other men in the audience), strong male leads (not all gay, but manly), experienced roller skaters that you wanted to be like and a reasonably cool storyline (there was something for everyone).


I am not going to say that my career in Theatre started from that point, but it definitely had a major effect on what I wanted to do.  Asides from constantly listening to the sound track at home and getting my brother to listen to it too and sing (that's what older sisters do : p), I knew I wanted to be in the industry.  Originally I thought this meant learning to skate, become a model and generally perform, but this was just the lead up to everything else.


Skip forward to summer 2001, by now I had been through secondary and college (thank god, years I am glad passed) and due to a painful slip on my coccyx (something that caused back problems for the future), I was starting to wonder whether dance was now for me.  I was currently a Student Dance Teacher at weekends, whilst also working in a Box Office and WHSmiths, but then I saw an advert that stood out in The Stage (which was currently cooler than it is now) "Front of House Assistants needed for the final shows of Starlight Express".  I had recently gone with a friend to see the show, (after raving about it to her)  but had no idea it was closing.  Although I was sad it was going, I was more excited that jobs in the venue were available.  


As soon as I could, I filled in the application and sent it off.  Within a few weeks I had an interview and shortly after started : )  Now in no way would I say the job was glam (if you've ever worked Front of House and especially in the West End, you'll know what I mean) but I was hired by "The Really Useful Company" (Andrew Lloyd Webber owns this) and was working on one of the best shows I had ever seen.  Pre-show and after show tasks were a blur, but the moments before the show as the lights went down were amazing.  As much as I could, I asked to sit in and learnt the different Front of House positions for the auditorium (the best was downstairs where you either sat on the edge of the well - where they skate around in the middle of the stalls - or the outside barriers - where you had to open barriers at different points and sometimes got to say hi to the cast : p)  The three months were tiring (I was working 4 jobs) but it went quickly and soon it was final night.  The auditorium was packed, Andrew Lloyd Webber was in and my favourite show would soon be gone. (I had also managed to miss the famous photo, now in an archive somewhere, where everyone working on the last day stood on the rotating bridge for a photo - loads of us went on lunch and hadn't heard the announcement - still gutted today about that).  In a blink of an eye, the show passed by and as I left the Apollo Victoria for the last time, I watched as the auditorium (seats and all) got ripped out as soon as the audience were gone (it was horrible!)


Years passed and every now and then I'd put on my favourite CD, but I was now moving from front of house to backstage and marketing and time just passed me by.


In 2007 I did see the tour of Starlight that they took out, but it wasn't that great and I missed the racing which made it different from any other show.


And now to present.  Aged 29 and I get to dress on one of my top five ever shows - Starlight Express.  I can't say the experience was exactly what I expected it to be, but one I'm glad I've had.  Many of the cast had come from the last UK tour and from the German version (which has been going for about 2 decades), I knew some of the company and to see all the costumes, make-up and lighting up close was a dream come true.  The show definitely looks better from out front though, I couldn't see anything much in the wings : (


But like many good things, it also proved to be the ending of one part of my working career, which will hopefully be the beginning of change (in a good way).  I have been dressing on shows since 2003 (in between other stuff) and I have loved the people, shows and costumes I have had the chance to work with, but I know it is not for me anymore.


Although Starlights not quite my last dressing job, it's not far off now and the fact that I am being more open about it now means I want it more than anything (that's how I roll baby, lol).  


I want to dedicate this post to all the wonderful people I have worked with over the years.  (I'm not aiming to leave the industry but I will be in a different part of it).  I have worked with some great, kind and famous cast members who have made it a pleasure to work with.  But more so, I have worked with so many funny and hard working crew members, who are the reason I did this work as long as I did - it definitely wasn't for the pay, lol.


It may be the light at the end of THIS tunnel but there's more tunnels to be explored. 


I leave you now with a few links below of Starlight Express - inspiration in a show!

A picture I took in the final week (it's in an old scrap book) of the fans who used to dress up in costumes they'd made and skate up and down outside the Apollo Victoria (right).


Post title inspired by this song from Starlight Express:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J3sMwiL4GtM


My favourite song from the old show, that is no longer in it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vAFVgMjXOko&feature=related


And if you want to catch it live now on the UK tour, here is a clip that was on BBC Breakfast a few weeks ago to advertise the start of the new tour: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nzLS3UkOkxY&feature=related